Saturday, September 1, 2012

Most Important Question of Our Time and Obama Ducked

President Obama bravely waded into a relatively new medium: Reddit.  He performed well from all accounts, but perhaps because he dodged the most important question of our time:
"Would you rather fight 100 duck-sized horses or 1 horse-sized duck?"
Obama did not answer this question.  Why not?  What is he afraid of?  The answer, according to the Spew clan, is obvious: horse-sized duck!

Why?  Well, having seen enough Zombie movies, it is pretty clear that beating one hundred of anything, even a herd of slow, mindless drones can overtake a stronger adversary.  Duck-horses may not seem that challenging, but a hundred of them present quite a threat.  All it takes is for one to get underfoot, and then you fall, facing the possibility of 400 little hooves pounding away. 

On the other hand, a very large duck (the horse-duck) has only three weapons--its beak and its big duck-feet.  So, it can be dodged, especially since the big duck feet means that the duck will not be that agile.  Sure, it will be hard to defeat, but as the Spew kid said, you just have to defeat it once.  Defeating 50 duck-horses just means there are fifty left. 

So, why did Obama dodge this question?  You make the call.

12 comments:

Jacob T. Levy said...

You're so not a D&D player.

Steve Saideman said...

Nope. But if Obama has no spells but only hand weapons and no magic-using allies, can 100 Ducky horses be easier to take than one big Horse duck?

Jacob T. Levy said...

Remember: if one zombie bites you once, you lose. You can survive quite a lot of bruises from teeny-tiny horse hooves.

Note also: the horse-sized duck can presumably fly. Pick you up in its beak, fly up, drop you like a seagull dropping a clam.

Steve Saideman said...

Ah, hadn't thought about the flying problem. The Zombie thing is more about swarming and being surrounded, not so much the bite. So easy to trip if surrounded by many mini-horses. But yes, flight makes this a harder question.

Jacob T. Levy said...

Horse-sized ducks are awkward candidates for swarming. Basically as long as you remain upright (or even sitting) you're facing 6 or 8 of them at a time (12 in D&D, if they're 1/2 hex critters), not 100. And you can kick, stomp, or punch one of them away per round. It'll take you all day, but you'll make your way through them; none of them can do you serious harm. (Plus they'll fail a morale check and run away eventually. An ostrich, e.g., probably won't.)

Jacob T. Levy said...

Man, now I wanna play D&D.

Steve Saideman said...

Thy geekiness surprises even me. Amazing. I still fear tripping and getting tired.

diätplan said...

very good post

Mark Reynolds said...

Are we assuming the temperament remains the same? In which case: horse sized duck. It's a duck, for Pete's sake. Not only does it not know how to fight, it'll be 700 pounds of delicious duck meat when you win.

Mrs. Spew said...

The wings on the horse-sized duck are also a weapon because at that size, they'll have enough strength to knock you over and break your arm. The feet, while they would large, are not that much of a problem. They're built for paddling in water, not walking or kicking. If you're in the water with a horse sized duck, then it's pretty deadly. The beak is not razor sharp, but it's attached to a very agile neck made for lunging at fish. But on land, if you can get up under it around the breastbone, you'd probably be able to kill it with a knife weapon. If you only have a blunt instrument, then trying to cripple one of its wings and then stun it in the head when it lunges would be your best bet.

Mike D said...

This is absurd. A horse size duck? 1000 lbs of duck smacking you in the face with it's beak? If it knocks you over it can crush you with it's flat feet.

No thanks. I'd rather stomp a hundred tiny horses. What are they going to do, ride up my legs? Kick me in the shins with their tiny, tiny hooves? Bite me with their tiny flat teeth?

Heck, you can grab two at a time, smash them together while stomping another. No problem. As long as your wearing pants.

Mike said...

I'm a researcher in giant flightless birds, and second the mention of dromornithids. In fact I even blogged about this vital scientific question: http://www.giantflightlessbirds.com/2013/01/ducks-and-horses/